Spiritual Living

Promises made, promises broken. How many times have you heard yourself “I will never….” Fill in the blank with whatever the behavior is. For example the number of times an alcoholic says s/he will never drink again, will never go the bar again, and swears off drinking only to wake up again hung over and repeating the words of swearing off again. Promises we make to ourselves, to our families, and to those who are closest in our lives that we will never gamble again, smoke again, drink again, or use that drug again only to find ourselves there one more time. Asking ourselves what happened, how did we pick up and repeat this same mistake one more time.

12-step programs tell us through step work that we are powerless and cannot manage our lives alone that it takes a belief in a power greater than self. That without that belief we will continue to repeat the same mistakes and keep locked into a pattern that is self-destructive. But when we swear off the behavior/substance and intend to create a healthier life style it takes much more than just a desire to change, it takes practice to develop that new belief and overcome the old. It is the old way of thinking that keeps us locked into using drugs, alcohol, gambling, food, sex, and cigarettes to create a better mood, take us out of ourselves. Swearing off and making promises is not enough, nor is it a plan that you can work alone. Human and Divine must be involved in your plan to change, to create a healthier life, and keep it.

When you pick up again after swearing off it does not mean that you have failed, yet you have not succeeded either, it is not a call for punishment. It is in every sense a disease, curable, but not without treatment. That treatment involves finding someone you can trust to listen without judgment, without recrimination, who will never use what you share with them against you or tell others. That person needs to have your best interest at heart and not as a matter of expecting your success so s/he will look good. The person you select will want you to succeed because you are worth it, because you have a great deal to offer the world and will be the next in line to help the next person seeking answers.

This person can carry many labels including substance abuse counselor, counselor, therapist, clinical social worker, psychiatrist, psychologist, minister, or coach. There are several labels to sort through. The other source for help is the many different centers offering treatment for substance abuse, alcoholism, gambling, and other addictive problems. For members of 12-step programs there are sponsors, these are individuals who have been involved in the program for a length of time, have “worked” all the steps.

Interviews are important to find the right person to help with your journey. Know what your goals are in recovery, what aspects of your life you wish to change, get to know the person, hang out after the meeting, get his/her number and call. Share what you feel safe sharing, do not dump all your “baggage” at one time. Share about your hopes and desires, and listen to theirs. Ask about their goals, their journey; find the commonalities and the differences. Is this person doing what it is you seek to accomplish, living the life you are seeking to achieve? Is this person patient and understanding?  Do you share similar life histories and how does s/he handle the problems in life? These are only a few of the most important questions you could ever ask a person you are seeking to share your recovery journey with. Remember it is not engraved in stone, if you find that there are problems with your relationship that cannot get worked out then you can find another sponsor. However, all relationships have problems in the beginning and it is likely that you will feel disappointed at times, upset at others, and may not be able to always reach him/her.

Recovery is a one day at a time journey, in some cases one second at a time, be patient with yourself and find a sense of humor. Find those who share in your journey, will listen, and love you until you can love yourself. If faced with childhood abuse find the professional that can help you recover, these types of problems cannot be fixed in a 12-step recovery program, your sponsor and support group are not equipped to deal with the trauma. They can be supportive, but it is almost certain that they have not recovered from their trauma enough to cope with yours. Be gentle with your friends and yourself, take it a moment at a time. Life cannot be lived in one breath.