Spiritual Living

Today I want to focus on making self- amends, what this truly means. When we learn to make amends, what the difference is between sorry and apologize then it is time to take a closer look at self. In what ways have we hurt ourselves either by direct behaviors such as self-talk, cutting, over-eating, drug abuse including cigarettes and alcohol, misusing medications both prescribed and over the counter, gambling, and a myriad of other behaviors. Self-punishment occurs subtly, not always so obviously, yet there are those tantrums that are blatant and are on a conscious level. The subtleties are as simple as phrases like “That was stupid of me,” asking someone else to validate the thought and seeking to pick a fight with someone.

Making an amends to others is not easy; facing the attitudes of those we choose to face can be difficult and sometimes terrifying. That is why it is important to find a trusted friend or relative, someone you can confide in and discuss the problem you feel you need to make an amends for. In some cases it just is not prudent to face the person and make the amends; it could be dangerous to you or harmful to that person. An example that comes to mind is having slept with that person’s mate, perhaps betrayed another form of trust and telling the person you apologize for the behavior would only cause him/her grief. This would only compound the issue and as a result you would need to make another apology.

These types of situations and self-amends calls for a “living amends.” A living amends is the one where you strive to never repeat the offending and harmful behavior again. You let go of the pain you feel about the behavior, if any, and learn how to not do it again. This means self-reflection, forgiving yourself, and seeking guidance. If the behavior is self-harm such as drug/alcohol abuse, cutting, gambling, or any other behavior meant to bring self-harm, then you will seek out the guidance required to support you in making the lifestyle change. Letting go of a behavior that is harmful is a lifestyle change, it takes a desire, then a willingness to learn and change.

Recovery from abuse is a painful road but it is one anyone can take. The feelings that are no longer being pushed away will occur; they are real as is the thoughts that have plagued you for some time. These things can be fixed, you are not defective and you will heal. We find our way in this world when we set the intent to fix a problem; the answers are presented to us in many ways. Self-amends is the journey of healing, changing those things about self that stand in the way of the higher good, love. Learning to live with self can be frightening, different, and very rewarding. New doors open, loving people enter your life, the problems you use to find difficult to deal with now seem miniscule and the answers obvious. This is because you are now open to listen, to heal, and the universe is answering.

Recovery offers many lessons, from learning how to eat healthy and feel good about self to how to relate to others in a healthy way. Learning how to stand up for yourself, let others know that they cannot harm you, that you are not harming yourself any longer, noticing the red flags in relationships, and most important how to love yourself. “I love you,” is a difficult phrase to say to self, but it must be said, repeatedly. It will bring a smile to your face, heal the wounds and bring loving people into your life.

Give yourself a hug, take a moment to listen to the peace, feel the love that surrounds you. Deny the negative thinking, let it pass without emotion, just notice that it occurred and move on past it. Practice this consistently and one day you will wake up and find that the negative thinking and the painful emotions are no longer present. You will find freedom, a new life, a new presence in the world. Blessings.