Apr 02 2009
Friendship
Defining friendship seems an elusive task since each person requires something different. The only constant is the love and acceptance that another human being can offer. There is a need that is met when two people develop a friendship. Those needs are based upon past relationships, yet the elusive requirement that never seems to be met is acceptance, unconditional and without prejudice. This is the one quality in a relationship that takes time to develop along with trust. At times we are too impatient and demand our needs be met immediately.
Relationships occur in the instant you meet, exchange pleasantries and perhaps make a pact to develop the long term friendship or work relationship. Each form that the relationship takes has its unwritten rules. The first is that no harm shall be done, if it is let it not be intentional. This is the base for developing trust, something that is as elusive as defining relationships. What is real trust? We can say “I trust you.” However, is it the truth? Look to the feeling that accompanies the words, is there a sense of comfort throughout the body? Do you feel confident even an hour or more after speaking that commitment? Listen to the body, it will lend you the voice to speak the truth.
I want to love you without clutching,
Appreciate you without invading,
Invite you without demanding,
Leave you without guilt,
Criticize you without blaming,
& Help you without insulting.
If I can have the same from you
Then we can truly meet &
Enrich each other.
Virginia Satir
Another view of friendship is to ask yourself if you are giving that which you ask of others? Are you gentle, non-judgmental, trustworthy? Do you speak well of those you seek to call friend, giving a favorable testimony about the person you know them to be? It is important to be as a good a friend as we ask others to be. In a work relationship, marriage or any other relationship we choose to embark giving what is asked will enhance the relationship and then when it is said “I trust you” there will be no remorse or doubt within the hour, day or week.
Make your list of what you seek in the relationship, choose the top five most important aspects to you, these are your true values. Do you embody them? Or is there perhaps an area you could focus on growing in? Gossip is a sign of mistrust, when you gossip with another it tells that person they cannot trust you. If you are seeking to be trusted then do not speak of others in any form that reflects ill will or prejudice.
Become the person you would choose as a friend. Listen to what you speak, how you feel and choose to seek love, joy and truth. It is not that we do not trust others; it is that we do not trust ourselves. Once we develop the trust within, then trusting others becomes second nature. Through self-trust you will know that acceptance of others is the key to feeling safe and secure. Self-trust means that you are your own best friend, you will take care of yourself in all situations and let no harm come. By not causing self-harm there is no harm due others. This is the highest goal in our lives, seek to harm none. Live in gratitude and love. Blessed Be.
